Don't Blink

Maybe it's because I'm getting older (not) or perhaps it's just the insane rhythm of life (likely) but I feel like every time I look up, another year has gone by. As a mom, I tend to mark time in school events and holidays. Does that make sense? Less circadian rhythm and more circuitous hamster wheel. No less productive, but certainly more myopic (can something be MORE myopic?).

Anyhow, this past year has been a transition with the big man away at college. Cho Party of Four just sounds weird and each of us has had to get used to missing Andrew. Thankfully, we Skype, we text, we chat, which is all good, but not the same. I miss my kid. I did take over his bathroom though, so there are some perks. Changes aside, he loves living in La Jolla (geez), has survived the rigors of academic life at UCSD and does his own laundry. We're very proud, and not just about the laundry thing!

Do you know those moments when you look at your kids, I mean really look at them. And for a moment, you're kind of separate and you see them as little people in the world. We had well checks at the Peds the other day. I know their projections aren't totally accurate, but No. 2 is on target for at least 6'4", talk about wingspan - skooch over Michael Phelps! Now the size 12 sans-a-belt jeans make sense, he's only 9! No. 3, on the other hand, will probably be somewhere between 6'2" and 6'4", and can I tell you, he's pissed about not being taller than his brother. Competitive little bugger! In the blink of an eye, or at least the not too distant future, my entire family will be taller than me, and I am not exactly a petite flower!

In tune with the rhythm 'and to everything there is a season, turn, turn, turn' -  it's springtime again here in NJ. Which means the flowers are gorgeous and  the Zyrtec is flying off the shelves. Smiles abound because the snow is finally gone and the spray tan has started to run a muck. The weekly thunder and lightening shows are pretty amazing thus far, as is the hair-curling humidity. Hey, it's life in Jersey, what can I say!

So on the heels of Wills and Kate's nups (see, event centric), have a lovely day just don't blink, because you won't know what you're missing!

xoxo,
Paula

California Dreamin'

Hudos (that's 'huge kudos') to my local Whole Foods for keeping their produce bins plentifully stocked with California artichokes. I love them! My mom tells a funny story about an uncle (or was it my Dad?) who when served an artichoke for the first time, asked what the 'shrub' was on his plate. And I'll never forget one of my favorite Little Rascal episodes, 'well, it may choke Arty, but it ain't gonna choke Stymie' ... hardly 10 for a dollar (HA), only in Castroville, right.

And the strawberries, Driscoll of course, are organically amazing (read carefully people)! I can't keep them in the house long enough to get my fill. All things Driscoll brings back such fond memories. I spent many Tahoe summers with 'these berries' - thank you CC and TC.

Maybe there's a Be Kind to California movement going on in Jersey, because even Sickles featured Cowgirl Creamery cheeses last week. And if you don't know what I'm talking about and you're even remotely fond of cheese, you have totally missed the boat. Quickly, get thy self to a cheese shop (or click the link above and join the Cheese Club). Trust me, I do know what I'm talking about. I didn't work at The Mouse Trap at El Paseo without learning a thing or two about cheese.

If the food isn't enough to make me wish for all things California, a quick visit to San Diego put me over the edge. I used to think that if I ever had the chance to live in San Diego it had to be within walking distance to the ocean. Now, I'd be ecstatic with one of those lovely terracotta roofed, stucco bungalows in the valley (although a pool would be nice). I still can't believe that my kid gets to live in La Jolla, row on Mission Bay, and call one of my favorite places 'home', at least for a few years. Freshman Admit Day was awesome! Now I know where Andrew will be when he says he's heading to RIMAC or that he had a burrito at Goodies. It's not that I was flipping out, it's that I'm visual and wanted to be able to 'see' where he'll be. It's good, no it's really great. He's so ready to just be there and take it all on. I'm so proud of him, and I miss him already.

Spring is here - sunshine, warmth, flowers - bugs ... oh well, it's really beautiful and makes me happy. And hey, only 61 days until summer!

xoxo,
P

Passing on, Moving on, and things like that

It's so hard to wrap my head around 'forever' ... these words my husband murmured to me during the time he spent with his father these past few weeks. He was weak and ill and failing too fast. I love my husband even more than I knew; for his courage, for his compassion, for his devotion. I wasn't there when my aboenim died. I didn't get to say goodbye. I was home with our boys, Andrew had surgery. I had to be home. It was the only place for me to be. Thomas was gone for almost 2 weeks. I talked to him several times a day, and every time it was different - sad, angry, remorseful, empty. I wanted to reach through the phone line and hold him close. What felt hard for me was the worst kind of hell for him; it was heartbreaking.

My sister, bless her, rescued me the week of Andrew's surgery. With Thomas gone, how was I going to swing that one? She arrived with a smile and a hug and love for all of us. She brought levity and happiness, amidst fear and unknowns. And then, my father-in-law passed away and I had to go. I had to. Whatever I've done to deserve my family, I am a lucky girl/sister/daughter. My parent's arrival coincided with my sister's departure; a deep sigh, knowing my boys would continue to be under great care and love. Leaving felt wrong; leaving felt right. I will never forget their unflinching 'yes' when I asked for help.

Traveling without your children is touted as a special treat; for me is was so bittersweet. I had no idea what I was stepping into in CA, but all I wanted was to hold on to my husband; hold him up if I could. For those of you who don't know him, he is a quiet man of great depth with an unflappable strength of character. It's not often that he lets his guard down, but losing his father shook him to the core. I noticed that he was wearing his father's shoes when I got there, walking in his footsteps, stepping into his life - I don't know, but it made him feel closer, more connected; somehow it helped him. When I told my Dad this, he smiled and said, "I did the same thing when my Dad died, I wore his clothes" - beautiful, I get it.

The days in CA were a blur of tears. Despite my resolve to be strong, it hit me in waves, and still does - forever is hard to wrap your head around. I will never be able to hear Amazing Grace again without crying.

Lest you think our life is all sadness, about moving on ... I am so happy to note that Andrew was accepted to UCSD and will be basking in the beauty of La Jolla while wrestling with the curriculum of Revelle this Fall. The shorts are finally off the wall and he's been wearing them with the biggest smile. We are all so very proud of him and excited for this next phase of his life. Although William thinks college is 'dumb' and why does Andrew have to go away anyhow, it only took him a few minutes to be reminded that San Diego is the home of the Aircraft Carrier Museum, the SD Zoo, SeaWorld and Legoland - he's good to go now! Andrew deserves every acknowledgement and accolade that comes his way! I am beaming right along with him. Go Tritons!

xoxo,
P

Oh No You Didn't ...

Oh my gosh, I SO did and it's going to be a long time until my youngest forgives me! This was one of those life moments when I wish I could have crawled in a hole and hid for a day or so, until the Colts had clinched their title, and the Saints were still the 'Aint's (sorry Mom and Keat) and I had regained my status as Best Mom On The Planet. So here's what happened ... William's 1st grade class had a Football Reading Super Bowl this week. Each child who read four+ extra books was invited to wear a jersey to school and participate in the Super Bowl. William achieved his goal and decided that Petrobas had gotten enough exposure and he really wanted a football jersey - and he was adamant about Manning "cause you know he's not the old man guy (Favre) mom, but he is gonna be in the real Super Bowl" - OK. Off we go to our local Modell's and pick out the perfect jersey a) for the Reading Super Bowl and b) for the real deal on Sunday. He looked so stinking cute heading off to school - jeans, turtleneck, jersey (jacket, hat, gloves, boots - it's really flippin' cold here). Alexander had a play date after school and I was really looking forward to one-on-one time with William. Home we come with his Valentine Day booty and all smiles because Friday is Wii day! No sooner are we in the house and he bursts into tears, "You bought me the wrong jersey, Peyton Manning is #18 not #10, see and it says NY right here!" (he was right, it does, see the picture). Now usually when he breaks out the crocodile tears it's a ploy to distract me from something or to get his way - but this was real. I felt so badly, he was such a sad mess. Apparently, someone at school let him know he had the wrong jersey if he thought he was 'all about the Super Bowl'. So, after big hugs and profuse apologies, I told him Mom's not really the go-to sports fanatic, and that next time anything relating to sports should probably be a Papa thing. We decided the Colts were the same color (sort of), snagged Andrew's athletic tape, turned the 0's into an 8's (easy peasy) and voile - except that I forgot the 10's on the shoulders and Papa noticed right off the bat -"William, who's jersey is that any how?" - Thanks a heap dude!

Anyhow, he seems to have forgotten for now, at least until game time tomorrow. And I'm sure the checkout girl at Modell's is still laughing - 'Hey yous guys, did ya see that mom who bought the NY Giants jerseys for her kids at $40 bucks a pop - what a maroon' - my bad!

oh yeah - Go Colts!

xoxo,
P

Punxsutawney Phil was right ... it's still winter

The Ground Hog was right and it snowed here on the same day as proof. How much more evidence do we need people! Despite the illusion that Spring's been sprung in every retail store across America (you're so right Michelle), it is still winter here in NJ and it will be for quite some time. We're bracing ourselves for another blast of cold and snow, so I intend to stock up on all things Super Bowl tomorrow as I will NOT be driving around this weekend. Oh crapit, the drycleaning isn't ready until Saturday, so I'll make one white-knuckle voyage, but that's it!

So, in spite of (yes, I meant to write that) the fact that the retail world is all perky and scantily clad in bright patterns and colors, I'm still wearing my snow boots and down parka. The only color added is my fr-rosey cheeks and an occasional scarf (for warmth not fashion). Actually, my parka is green, but that's only because I refused to be one more in a sea of black down and fur hoods. I'm from California darn it and I dare to be different (like the CA license plates aren't obvious enough). Maybe that's why I still feel spurned every so often.

A few random thoughts about television:

American Idol - yes, but a little 'yes'
Spartacus - Kirk Douglas must be so pissed, and is Lucy Lawless low on funds, geez
Heroes - weekly bonding time with Andrew
The Olympics - can not wait (more excited about that than Valentine's Day)

And about the Super Bowl - Colts baby, all the way!

xoxo,
P

Count down to college ...

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours - HDT.

I found this quote last night while I was working on Andrew's senior dedication page for the RFH year book (the one that he'll will keep for eternity). While I was sifting through pictures, trying to find the perfect balance between 'oh how cute' and 'oh how embarassing' - it hit me again, this time next year will look so different. It's a mixed bag of jubilation and wistfulness. I am so insanely proud of this young man, once dubbed The Gelato Prince (actually that's a picture of him at B&R in downtown Los Altos), but he did eat his way through Italy one gelato cioccolato at a time. I look at him now, all 6'4" and think - really? To remember how small he was when he was born (4 lbs give or take a few ounces), to acknowledge how hard he fought to stay alive (they called him 'a flyer'), to think about the first time I got to hold him in my arms (it was weeks) - this baby, this boy, this man - he is extraordinary.

So what advice do you give a young man who's already cheated death, has a depth of heart beyond his years and an unflappable strength of character - to never find yourself as one of the 'mass of men living lives of quiet desperation' (HDT), go live, try new things, have fun, be happy. And, don't forget BDH and the Four Essential Things.

xoxo,

P

Christmas Revisited and Happy New Year

(This is my favorite picture of my mom and the boys taken at my sister's house in Pebble Beach over the holidays).

Christmas was awesome! We left 2 feet of snow and 19 degree weather behind and immersed ourselves in California. It was so comforting to see mountains, lots of CA license plates, the 'City', 280, even the Bay Bridge in bumper-to-bumper traffic was cool (seriously, it took us an hour and a half to get from SFO to Oakland after 8 hours of travel). We pigged out at some of our favorite restaurants, peeked at our house (everything looks ok), surveyed our storage unit (yes half of our belongings are still in CA), traipsed through downtown Los Altos, and then we all got a little sad. It's hard not to miss life in CA; friends, family, familiarity.

Lest you think we were hunkered in Los Altos the whole time hiding out and not calling (please don't be upset, it would have been impossible to see everyone and then the guilt, ugh) ... we were actually road warriors, from Oakland (Berkeley) to Pebble Beach to Los Altos to San Jose to Oakland to Morgan Hill to Oakland - I guess it was a good thing we left the van there after all.

It was so wonderful to spend time with our families, some of whom we hadn't seen for over a year, that's way too long. There were tears of joy and of saddness, anticipating when the next time would be. Thank you so much to those of you who let us barge into your lives, for the generosity of your time and the warmth of your friendships. To those of you we missed, we hope your year is off to a great start and we'll catch you next time! To anyone brave enough to head East, the cabana is ready Memorial Day weekend!

xoxo,
P