Amazement: (tears) this little boy weighed 2 lbs 4 ozs when he was born. Tried as I might, with witnesses to swear, he found his wings a bit too early. But fly into this world, he did, and fight his way to stay, oh hell yes he did! There was a saying in the NICU, that my favorite Irish nurse, Gerry shared - there are fighters and there are flyers, Andrew is a flyer! Weeks passed stroking a limb, whispering stories and singing lullabies and finally, finally I got to hold my boy. You know how it is, you never really let go.
So on a day like today, when yet another milestone has been achieved, it just hurts to not be near him. I'm a sappy-ass mom at the end of the day, and I still kiss The Littles good night every night and whisper in their ears when they're sleeping. If Andrew were sleeping here tonight, I'd do the same, or at least make sure his feet-boats weren't hanging off the bed!
This man, this boy - he's a rarity, a presence, a wonder (more tears). I always thought he was an old soul, anymore I'm not sure if that's true. Hanging around with adults elevates ones skills, for sure. But there is something bigger than that. He's just kind of cool, comfy with himself. You can't teach that to someone, I think it's how he's wired. And this inspires me, because I'm not always comfy with myself. I don't love walking into a room of strangers or showing up to a gig on my own. Crap, some days I hate showing up to life on my own! Andrew always stands tall and forges forward, with a smile and a huge heart. I love that about him!
And love, oh yes, love. What's been asked of this man-boy over the last 20 years is more than you can imagine. And at the end of the day, it is my hope, that every step of the way he's felt and known that he is loved. Enough love and then some to help, to push, to hold, to celebrate and to feel safe (yes, more tears).
So, Gelato Prince (yup, literally ate his way through Italy), man-boy, miraculous human being who flew your way into this world ... I am so proud to be your mom. You remind me to appreciate life, to be thankful every day, to push beyond comfort, to listen when I don't want to, to try when it's hard, and to acknowledge achievement. Happy Birthday Big Guy!
xoxo...
Mom
3 comments:
Sweetheart, I am in tears... I cry for the fact you aren't holding your beautiful son today and the fact that you both went through so much for so long. I cry for the man he has become and because being so incredibly proud of and in love with your children is the most wonderful gift ever and I am so very happy for you. Keep writing what's in your heart my friend. It's beautiful. I love you. xoxoxo
Wow, Paula, that was so beautifully said. This IS the hardest time. Put these memories in a special place because the best is yet to come.
When my boys became men, something magical happened. Don't get me wrong, I miss their "little boyness (makes me smile from ear to ear), but now.... You'll see :)
PC,
WOW I just read this. So I will never forget a bike ride I decided to take, down to the hospital right after Anderw was born. I saw you exhausted but glowing, then I saw Andrew the little (big) guy and I thought "Oh my God this little human is such a wonderful miracle and gift". He was so small but I felt so honored to be a part of it at that time. I KNEW in my heart that this little person was going to be such an outstanding human being going forward.
Anyways thanks for sharig.
Di Graz
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